Read the first part A Virgin’s Narration of Her First Sex Here
I was shocked.
In fact, shocked would be an understatement in trying to explain how I was feeling at that moment. I didn’t expect to see blood again especially after the candle thing.
Does this mean that he now had my mumu button?
Because this is what happened next…
“babe… are you okay?” he asked with a concerned look on his face. I wanted to say something but I didn’t know what to say. Behind me, the old fashioned wall clock in his room chimmed. Who still used those things anymore by the way? A chimming clock? It chimmed nine times, signifying to me that it was nine pm.
I knew it was late already, I knew I probably should stay over and go back to my hostel later, but a sudden urge to escape filled my body. I dressed up in a daze and he kept saying stuff like
“baby… did I do something wrong?” when I was not responding , he started to apologize profusely. Thinking that the reason for my weird behavior had something to do with the fact that we had just had sex.
I walked over to where my bag was and picked it up. I walked out of the room without a word and he must have dressed up in a flash because he was outside with me, walking behind me and most likely trying to figure out what he did wrong. I didn’t say anything to him until I got in the taxi that took me home.
Over the next few weeks, he continued to badger me for a reason for my behavior, but I remained aloof and never went back to his hostel. The relationship ended there and it would be months later before I even considered another relationship.”
This story, like I said is a real story. What it does is buttress the points that I am about to make.
The truth is that in spite of the candle and the sex… she was still herself. She wanted to end the relationship and she did. She moved on without looking back and to be honest… it was the guy who continued to disturb her for a come back.
Once, the guy told me in confidence that he felt used. He felt as if she had only used him to get rid of her hymen and had moved on to other guys. I still smile at the thought. If only the guy knew the truth.
Earlier, Hymar Idibie David asked why girls seem to put their virtue in their vagainas; this is the answer to that question.
For generations, women have been taught that sexual pleasure is not something that they have a right to. It is something that demeans them and thus it is to be avoided by all means. Society has devised so many ways of making sure that sexual pleasure is not achieved by women. One of such ways is circumcision. Female children grow up to see their vaginas as something that needs to be bought with a dowry. Something that needs to be preserved for child bearing. Boys are off limits and having sex is definitely out of the question.
Therefore when a girl child participates in a sexual activity, she is breaking a rule. She is making a compromise and for that, she expects you to be grateful. This is normal, in fact, it should be expected.
When you give something that you know is meant for sale out for free, do you not expect gratitude?
The mentality that her vagina is a merchandise fuels the logic that sometimes you sell on credit and that person will come back to pay. Now what if your customer refuses to make that payment, how do you feel?
Betrayed? Angry? Used? Taken advantage of? Taken for granted? Scorned?
Now apply this logic to the issue of having sex with a girl before you marry her. She is subconsciously selling to you on credit. But don’t get it twisted; she expects full payment as soon as you get your pay.
For as long as girls are brought up to believe that sex is a favor that a man has to buy with marriage, then you will continue to find girls who will hold you to ransom for sex.
Personally, I don’t see sex as something that has to be paid for. Why?
Because you aint doing me if I aint doing you. There is nothing a guy can do to make me have sex if I don’t want to.
But I cannot say the same for other ladies out there who have been unable to break out of that horrible belief that their bodies are meant to be paid for.
The point that hymar… made concerning mutual enjoyment is valid if we are choosing to look at it from the perspective of genuine mutual interest. Have you ever stopped to wonder why most of the time, a lot of begging and coercion goes into getting a girl into bed?
Statistically speaking, at least 60 out of every 100 girls of intercourse age in our society today are circumcised.
Circumcision reduces sexual pleasure in women for up to 70 percent. So basically my dear, there are women out there who only feel the in and out movement and cannot associate it with any remarkable pleasure that is different from what you get from putting a cotton bud in your ears.
So yes, most women around here don’t get what the fuss about sex is all about and thus they see it as an inconvenience that you have to pay for one way or another.
This of course is not to say that women do not enjoy sex, it just goes to say that sex is not something an average African girl of our generation cannot do without.
To answer the question of why girls often seem to be unable to move on with dignity when a relationship has failed, my answer will be that it is not only women who are guilty of this. This is not a disease that is partial to women. I know quite a few men who have made nuisances out of themselves because a girl left. I believe this illustration will clear us here.
In every business, you make an investment. Depending on a lot of factors, your investments can be either enormous or ….just there.
If that business fails, the person who has invested heavily will run into debts. Will get depressed. Will hate himself and every other person involved in the failure.
A relationship is like a business and depending on how badly we want it to work, we make investments and sacrifices. The bitter truth however is that both parties cannot have exactly the same quantity of investment. One part of the scale will be higher than the other and thus if the relationship fails, the party with the bigger investment goes… you know, crazy.
The solution to it is to not give a girl the impression that you are headed for the altar if you are not. Giving her that impression will cause her to start investing heavily and thus when things go south, she will find it difficult to pull out. Just find a girl that has been able to come to terms with the fact that sex is not a promise of marriage and virginity is not a merchandise.
Written by Alasooke Olakunle
Editted by Alimi Taiwo Hassan